The majority of parents attach great importance to the education of their children, in an effort to make them outstanding individuals. But it is not always clearly aware of their role in the process of schooling, often making mistakes in the upbringing of the baby modern society attaches great importance to education and the evaluations received, and the involvement of parents in the educational process often correlated with the success of their children in school. The consequence of this is that many parents get wrapped up in raising children, spending a lot of money, time and nerves.
But it does not always get the expected result, as evidenced by an unsatisfactory evaluation. According to experts in the field of education, the lack of reward for the effort invested is often associated with a lack of understanding by parents of their role in their children’s education, which leads to errors that impede learning. In some cases, this actions associated not only with study but with the parenting style in the family, namely, such common mistakes as excessive guardianship, no restrictions, negative attitude or bad examples.
And other common mistakes associated with ignorance of the most appropriate answer to questions like: should parents learning together with children? To help them with homework? Check the homework? Check and correct homework before handing children? Reward for good grades? To give additional assignments if the teacher is not very demanding? To hire Tutors? To monitor the progress of the study? To talk to the teachers? To encourage participation in extracurricular activities?
Based on my professional experience, Joan Domenech (Joan Domènech), Director of the College. Fructuós Gelabert in Barcelona; Benjamin Montenegro (Benjamín Montenegro), member of the Council of the psychological development of the individual, and angel, Peralbo (Ángel Peralbo), head of teenage division at the psychological center. Álava Reyes, I think that the most common mistakes of parents in the field of school education are as follows.
- To play the role of teachers
Many parents help their children with homework, explain to them the educational material, correct work. And all the psychologists, pedagogues and teachers are unanimous in the opinion that it is impossible to simultaneously be parents and teachers, including because it is almost every day gives rise to conflict situations, and the learning process turns into a real torture for parents and children. Angel Peralbo explains that, in addition, that “if from an early age children get used to the fact that someone takes care of them, they become dependent and instead to show the necessary perseverance in their studies, relax, take a wait and see position, with the result that they have the habit that someone have to lead them”.
Benjamin Montenegro stresses that “the role of parents is to ensure that the work is completed, properly executed that has no outstanding tasks without touching the contents, because homework assignments are given to students for self-fulfillment”. But experts warn this does not mean that if a child asks their parents about something what he doesn’t know or understand, they can’t send him down a path that will help him find the answer.
And in those cases when children have difficulty learning when they need extra classes, re-explanation of the material, experts advise to resort to the help of the tutor or teacher-psychologist.
Joan Domenech believes that parents should monitor the children’s education, but stressed that there are a number of disciplines, the teaching of which is the responsibility of the school, and if parents try to do this, thereby violating the educational process. “Parents should not teach their children multiplication, because this is a school. And that’s what really needs to engage parents together with their children to use mathematical knowledge in daily life, especially while shopping, etc.”
- Strive to make my Einsteins
“A characteristic feature of the modern family is the desire to over-stimulate their children from an early age, so that they quickly developed their abilities, resulting in an excessive amount of educational games in learning reading and writing, since the age of four, and the entry in different groups to develop their abilities,” says Domenech.
The Director of the College explains that it is the desire of the early pump up kids knowledge leads to excessive stimulation, which is not contributing to accelerated learning and the identification of talents usually entail counterproductive consequences, manifested in the lack of attention, inability to focus, hyperactivity…
On the other hand, is the desire to have children geniuses prevents the understanding by parents of the real abilities of their children and their problems.
“It often happens that the excessive demands of parents mean the bar too high for a particular child, which can cause decreased motivation, increasing resistance, and even low self-esteem, which will increasingly hamper the learning process,” says the psychologist angel, Peralba.
Benjamin Montenegro cites the example of their parents, forcing to participate in extracurricular activities of children with poor academic performance.
“Some kids at school has a hard time with foreign languages, and even their record in extra-curricular language courses; others who have problems with math, after school forced to go to music lessons and ear training. In the end, the children suffer from an overabundance of knowledge, but also from the fact that not justify their expectations,” he warns.
- To bring it all to school
Teachers assure that students often repeated phrase: “My parents were only interested in my grades to the rest they don’t care”. This complaint is not always objective, but psychologists assure that it accurately reflects what is happening in some families, especially when there are problems or children do not achieve expected results in their studies. “Study is the largest in family care and, as a consequence, in daily conversations. Many parents put education in the forefront of their children’s lives. Although lessons and play a crucial role in the lives of children, we should not forget many other aspects of development, such as sports, games and cultural events, leisure, future plans and family matters, friends, social relations, personal affection within the family and beyond…,” he continues Peralba.
- Reward for good grades
The usual way of parents to encourage their children to study them is the promise of expensive gifts in case of good ratings. But experts in the field of education believe this is a mistake. “If we resort to incentives of this kind, it means that something goes wrong because the child did not need material rewards for teaching. The best incentive for them to be the opening of a new, coping and the development of their interests,” — said the Director of the school. Fructuós Gelabert. Educators believe that good grades worthy of their praise, approve and even celebrate, but not to buy, because the child immediately becomes a slave to material incentives. And if, despite the promised reward, he will not get a good grade, his disappointment will be even greater because, in addition to failures in school, he will be left without a gift.
Psychologist Benjamin Montenegro especially warns against unrealistic awards, such as the promise to buy a moped the teenager threw seven subjects, in the case that he eventually will fix the situation. “It is too much, frustrating the child and often put in the uncomfortable position of parents, when their son learns that they promised him a reward, pre-talk with the teacher and knowing that very likely he will have to stay for a second year”, says Montenegro.
In exceptional cases, a reward for good grades can be justified. “For example, if a student suffering from dyslexia, without special training, will receive a good grade on the exam”.
With regard to evaluations, Montenegro points out another common mistake that parents hasty decisions. “Seeing the evaluation, we immediately begin to Express their opinions, positive or negative, which is wrong. Instead, you have to think two or three days to cool off and make an informed decision,” he explains. Educators emphasize that instead of beating for bad grades, parents should teach children to deal with frustrations and setbacks, to help them to understand the reasons and make the right decisions in the future.
- To give lazy for a nervous breakdown
According to experts, another frequent mistake of parents is to try to explain school failure of their children’s nervous disorders.
“Many children are unable to make the necessary effort to prepare homework or just to study, because of their laziness. But this is just immaturity and not a nervous breakdown. Sometimes this laziness I try to imagine how the consequence of frustration or stress, although in reality we are talking about the lack of independence,” — emphasizes Montenegro.
And he adds: the proof of this is that these guys, who are not able to study hard, also can not keep your room in order, make a sandwich or reheat the food when you come home from school.
Angel Peralbo emphasizes that in many cases the “parental error is the following: they do not realize that the cause of laziness and lack of motivation for learning is the use of practically the entire time for leisure and entertainment, especially on such a common technical innovations, which do not allow to do other things”.
Montenegro also considers erroneous when the parents invite the tutor to overseeing the children homework and the learning process. “The tutor should ask for specific tasks, not to do homework with the child, as in this case, he will remain immature and will hope for others,” the psychologist said.
Angel Peralbo attributed to the frequent and highly undesirable bugs as well as the desire to achieve too fast results in studies, not realizing that it is a long process. Impatience of parents, according to experts, results in the desire to ensure that children learned foreign languages, began to read and write before entering elementary school, he mastered mathematical operations, ahead of the school curriculum. “This desire to teach quickly and to the greatest possible number of subjects in the highest degree erroneous. In Denmark and other countries with well established education children learn to read and write at the age of seven years,” emphasizes Joan Domenech.
Peralbo adds, that this impatience of the parents leads to the fact that they get very upset when confronted with their first difficulty in school or at the first bad grade. Parents forget, however, that the difficulties and mistakes inherent in the learning as children in the first place requires patience and a mindset for hard work throughout the school year. “Parents should not consider poor results as failure because it leads to low self-esteem of children, increasingly weakening their abilities,” — says the expert.
- Do not adhere to school methods
Seething with impatience, some parents try to teach their children to read and count with their own methods, give them more homework, not considering the fact that thus may violate the teaching rhythm of the school. “Parents need to choose schools, to realize that I agree with her approaches to learning and then work in parallel, helping your children in school, but at the same time respecting the school technique, acting in the same direction with the teachers, and not contradicting them,” said Domenech.
- To transfer its experience to the children
Another quite common mistake of parents is the mechanical transfer of the self learning experience for their children. “The school has changed, and children too. And what did you like or what you were taught, it is not necessary will guarantee success for your children,” warns the Director of the school. Fructuós Gelabert. Angel Peralbo also believes that in many families “are still dominated by the hopes of parents to school their children than preferences or abilities”, and a lot of guys have to learn what pleases their parents.
- To question the actions of teachers
Not to support teachers, to show their disagreement with the teacher in front of children – another mistake some parents. “The teachers are already no former opportunities for maintaining discipline in the classroom, and is highly undesirable that parents, instead of supporting them, are opposed, and the students, taking advantage of the situation, manipulated and set against one another, although the goals of parents and teachers the same,” says Perello. The psychologist adds that teachers are often guided sugarcoated view of their students, often not knowing how they behave at home. “The interaction and exchange of information between parents and pupils may help them how to achieve good results academically and improve their behavior,” he said.
- To play the role of detectives
Montenegro believes that another erroneous position of the parents is that they become detectives. “Some parents figure out how to perform homework and other work, as well as exam dates via social networks, or through the parents of the other children, but this only generates mistrust, solving nothing,” he explains. His advice is to with your child to check the schedule of the day and tasks performed for each subject. Experts advise to exercise full control over the execution of school tasks to constantly check that reads or watches the child, saying that it is better to watch him in the distance, giving him some independence. And if parents still decide to test the knowledge of the child Montenegro is not advised to do this orally, and to write three or four questions because “is usually an oral examination is not carried out, and although I can verbally answer the question, then it is still hard to get this out in writing or make a lot of spelling errors.”
- Solve organizational tasks
According to the teachers, another mistake of parents is the solution of organizational problems of their children. “At seven in the evening the child says out of toner, it cannot print the work that he needs to pass the next day, and we send grandpa to the store to buy the required cartridge” — gives the example of Montenegro, emphasizing the importance of the fact that children used to solve their problems, “even if they pass the process later and reduce the rating. Because the later you submit the Declaration on incomes, the higher the penalties, no matter how much you explain that the Bank sent your account with a delay. Such is life, and people need to learn to organize it, and to solve their problems from a very early age.”
The teachers also disagree with the attitude of some parents who always make excuses in front of teachers mistakes and failures of their children, always referring to some external reasons or the difficulty of the task by questioning the competence of the textbooks or even the teacher.
- To associate the punishment with homework
“He’s being punished, doing homework” or “until you do the job, does not fit to TV”, these phrases often can be heard in many homes. According to the teachers, they should be eradicated. First, they point out, because homework must be done in calm and not nervous situation. Second, the goal should be to children the pleasure of reading and studying, and not perceive it as punishment. And finally, they also should not consider reading or homework as a necessary pay-per-view television programs, the opportunity to play or meet friends.